It's a journal, Un! (Deidara's Diary)
by redpetal888
Summary: The first thing I have to say is... this is not a diary, un. It is a journal. I am not writing it willingly- as I have been forced to write it by a particular masked idiot. My life's messed up, un...
1. It's not a diary!

December 8th, 2012.

The first thing I have to say is… this is not a diary, it is a journal, un.

Tobi told me I should write my feelings inside a diary. I said I wouldn't, but he was so persistant…he won't leave me alone until I write something in it, un. He is, in fact, hovering over me as I write this down.

What a psycho. He seems to have sugar in his veins rather than blood. What I wouldn't give to shove some clay down his throat and detonate it…at least he would be art then. But leader would probably get mad. So I can't, un. It's infuriating.

Tobi's gone now. And so I don't need to write in this anymore, for the time being.

Goodbye, un.

-Deidara

**Hahahahahahaha! The blonde girly-man has a diary! A freaking diary! What a pussy.**

** With that stupid-ass hair of yours, I always knew you were feminine, Deidara, but a DIARY? Any hope you had of fitting in here is gone. Jashin-sama laughs at you!**

** -The amazing and sexy Jashinist, also known as Hidan.**


	2. Stay away from my Journal

**December 9****th****, 2012**

Hidan, It's a freaking journal. And so help me god, if you ever touch it again I will shove clay up your ass and go KATSU! Un.

Today I woke up to find this journal had been vandalized. Ever since, the other members have been mocking me nonstop.

I will personally murder Tobi. Any hope he had of living before, as slim as it was, is gone now, un.

-Your murderous and artistic author, Deidara.


	3. Clay Cookies

**December 10****th****, 2012**

I am seriously angry right now, un.

Today, Tobi seemed to think it would be a good idea to try and make my clay into cookies. He stole a bunch of it and tried to bake it in the oven, un.

Well it didn't work. The damn oven exploded and Leader blamed me for it.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning the clay off the walls, un. Not fun.

In other matters… Tobi seems to think it's a good idea to take me to a therapist. I refuse.

I. fucking. Refuse. Un.

Therapists are idiots who tell you things you already know, and then charge you money for it.

So I have nothing left to keep from going insane other than writing in this stupid journal.

-Your pissed off and possibly insane author, Deidara.


	4. Therapists don't solve anything

**December 11****th**

_ Tobi insisted on taking me to see a therapist again today. To put it mildly…it didn't go very well, un._

_ I sat on a couch and all the old man did was preach to me that I had pyromania or something. He asked me why I liked to blow things up, un. I told him I was art. He told me I had a mental problem for believing that. I blew up the wall. He didn't say anything after that, un. Though that might be because the wall fell on him…_

_ The entire way back to the hideout, Tobi was screeching and whining about not getting a lollipop from the therapist. He wouldn't shut up, even when I tried to strangle him._

_ The little freak can move remarkable fast, un. It's almost creepy…_

_ -Your possibly insane and still pissed off Author, Deidara._


	5. Of Food-poisoning and Fools

**January 12th, 2013**

****_I am never going to touch another piece of dango again, un._

_The reason for the lack of entries is all Tobi's fault._

_ I had temporarily hidden this journal in the wall, un. So I didnt have to write in it._

_But then, somehow, Tobi found it. And he didnt even break the wall!_

_How the hell does that work, un?_

_So anyways, he was really whiny that had hidden it, and he dragged me out for dango. And you know what? _

_He ran off before I finished. So I had to pay, un._

_Well I didnt. I left on my clay bird, and I passed out._

_**The dango gave me food poisoning.**_

_****__I didnt wake up for almost a week._

_And, since then, I've been hiding the journal in different places so Tobi couldnt find it. _

_But it didnt work, un._

_He found it this time._

_And now I am stuck writing, with this psychopathic idiot looking over my shoulder. And I swear, I can still taste that awful dango, even after brushing my teeth, and hands, at least a million times!_

**_i have never been so tempted to blow something up in my life._**

_Never, un._

_-Your murderous and artistic author, Deidara._

* * *

**_Deidara-sempai? _**

**_Why do you want to blow Tobi up?_**

**_Did he do something wrong?_**

**_:(_**

* * *

**__**_Tobi, you have no idea, un._

_You'll find out what I'm going to do to you tomorrow._

_You'l be sorry._

_Believe it, un._

_AND STAY OUT OF MY JOURNAL!_

* * *

_(_Author's Note:...I was really tired for a long time, so I couldnt sneak into the Akatsuki hideout like I usually do to copy stuff from Deidara's diary. So sorry for the lack of updates...

Oh, and I wanted to say...

For all you readers out there, if you like Diary entries, you should read "Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author" by The Kazekage of Suna. It's super funny, and the Kazekage's assistant, Queen Chibi, is awesome as well. You should check it out.

I will be updating more often, hopefully...)


	6. Lollipops

**January 21****st****, 2013**

_It has been decided that this journal will meet it's doom._

_Very._

_Soon._

_Un._

_I can't even BEGIN to explain all the reasons why. Because there are many. So fucking many._

_Remember how a while ago I said I was going to do something to Tobi?_

_Yeah. It didn't work._

_Apparently, 'blowing someone's entire collection of lollipops to get back at them is not normal and should be avoided, as it is mean and may cause consequences in the future.'- says the therapist, which Leader-sama made me see after trying to exact my revenge._

_And then, un, he made me replace all of them. ALL OF THEM._

_So you know how many stupid pieces of candy on a stick I had to buy?_

_Three._

_Fucking._

_Hundred._

_I'm pretty sure Tobi didn't have that many. And yet, I was forced to 'replace' that many. Where the hell is he gonna keep all of them now, anyway?_

_It just doesn't make sense, un._

_-Your confused and artistic author, Deidara._

(A/N: Yay, I'm still alive!

Just wanted to say, thank you for the reviews ^^

Reviewers make the world a happier place.)


	7. Waterfalls

_July 9th, 2013_

Damnit.  
Damn it all to hell, un.  
I thought I had gotten rid of this thing, once and more all, but apparently not.

I ripped this infernal journal in half and threw it off of a waterfall.

It should have been gone.  
GONE, un.

And it was. For more than five months.

But apparently, not any more.

He found it, yeah.

Tobi, that annoying freakish little man-child found it.

And now...  
I have to write even more than before.

This is hell, un.

-Your definitely insane author, Deidara.

**Tobi still can't believe you threw his gift off a waterfall! :(**  
**But senpai, you get to write even more now! Yay! :)**  
**-Tobi**

(A/N:...I don't even know where to start with this. I just...it's summer now, and, I thought...why not re-continue this, if only for a little while? :P I'll try to have more frequent updates, if you'd all like that :) )


	8. Plotting

_July 15, 2013_

Tobi seems to have finally gotten over the waterfall incident. Thank the gods, un.

For the past couple of days, I've had a bit of peace.

It's been... nice.

Except for the fact that Sasori snitched to Tobi, telling him to remind me to write in this damned journal.  
So today has gone downhill, un.

I have a certain way of revenge planned for both of those fools.

For Tobi:  
I've created a lollipop, or, at least, something that looks (and smells) like one. Except it's made out of my clay. When Tobi licks it...he's going to have one hell of a mouthache, un.

For Sasori: I've created a puppet. A damned, creepy puppet. And snuck it in with Sasori's collection. Hopefully, he won't notice. But when he takes it out to practice with...BOOM!  
The puppets will turn to art, yeah!

Now I just need time to execute this plan...

-Your plotting and possibly insane author, Deidara

(A/N: Thank you to the one person who reviewed! (you know who you are, you amazing little munchkin) xD!

I definitely will be continuing this story, if only for the summer :)

So...stay tuned! This will hopefully be updated every day...)


	9. Still Plotting

_July 16, 2013_

...

..  
...It didn't work, un.

Apparently, Tobi 'gave' the rigged lollipop to Kakuzu. And when I say gave...I really mean forced into taking it.

It was almost as if he KNEW the thing would explode...

But, anways...  
Kakuzu did end up licking it. It blew up, and...  
I now am cleaning black tentacly-shit out of my clothes and art, un.

Fucking hell!

He shouldn't have blamed me! It was TOBI who gave him the lollipop, not me!

As for Sasori, well...  
It has not yet been discovered. He has not touched the puppet.  
I am growing impatient with him, un.

Him and his infernal eternal "art"!

His demise will be soon...

-Your (still plotting) and possibly insane author, Deidara.

(A/N: Once again, thank you for the reviews! I am glad to see that you lot are enjoying this :D I also find it quite amusing to do this. It's a win-win, as far as I am concerned.  
Cookies! Free cookies for everyone! :D )


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